I have done some bad things in my life. And I don’t mean the simple, everyday mistakes. Okay, I admit that I have at least two more credit cards than I actually need, a small addiction to potato chips, and I definitely need to work a bit on my inner self. No, I’m not talking about those, but about truly bad deeds, the kind you’d want to bury so deep that you could pretend they never actually happened. A rough estimate would say I’ve done maybe around fourteen acts in total for which the Dalai Lama would raise his eyebrow in disgust. Of all these, however, I would say that the second worst thing I have ever done was unfolding right before my eyes at that moment: my best friend’s bachelorette party, or rather the bachelorette party from Hell (I say Hell even though I was sure the devil never had to drink a Bellini cocktail with a penis-shaped straw at 8:30 p.m. on a Thursday at the Cameo bar).

And the climax? Since I was the maid of honor, the blame was all mine! I had planned for us to have a perfect night with karaoke and Chinese food, but Sara’s old classmates didn’t find that traditional at all. As if the vision of Henry VIII of England when he invented bachelorette parties was for all of us to wear t-shirts printed with the tragically photoshopped face of the groom (I imagine somewhere along the way he and all his wives had a hand in making everything go wrong)! And so, that was the only thing I could think of, and it was going to hell.

“Attention please! It’s time for questions for the soon-to-be-married couple!” shouted Amy (I was sure her name was Amy, although it could just as well have been Ellen or Ann. Or Daisy). The six of us sat awkwardly at an overly shiny table in one of the U-shaped booths surrounding the lit-up dance floor of Cameo (where, by the way, at that hour it was dead). It was still very early and we had almost the whole place to ourselves. Except for two businessmen at the bar, who looked ready, if they drank two more vodkas with Red Bull, to tie their ties around their heads and attempt to perform the Maori haka dance.